#A giant order of depressing, with a side of hope.

One year ago today I stood crammed into a little room, right beside the strongest man in my life, surrounded by people and love, and eased him from secular life to forever.

I sat beside my Daddy in his last hours of life, cried into his blankets, held his hand one last time, and whispered my last "I love you's", "Thank you's", and "Goodbye's".

I spent the better part of today feeling sorry for myself. Crying because life isn't fair, and I miss having a Daddy.

And then I got this text from a very very special friend:

"Hey little ryry, sorry I've had a busy day. I just want you to know how much I care for and appreciate you. In the short time I've known you, you've taught me so much about myself, perseverance, and putting someone else before yourself. Your dad was an amazing, caring man. He had to have been to raise you. And today he is smiling down on you and your family, proud of how far you've all come, and excited for all your days to come. I adore you, you have been such a blessing to me, and I'll continue to pray for you guys. Call if you need me."

And as sweet as it was to get that message it really got me thinking.

One year ago I lost someone very dear to me. The pain of losing him hasn't gone away, but it's gotten easier to live my day to day life. The loss isn't as suffocating as it once was, but instead is a dull throb that beats with my heart.

This is not to say that I don't miss my Daddy. Because I do. With all my heart. And if this was a perfect world he would still be here with me and my family.

But looking back on my relationship with him I can't help but feel so so blessed that I had him in my life, even for a short while. I can live my life knowing my Daddy was proud of everything that I accomplished, that he always thought I was beautiful, and that he will always love me.

So, no. Today I do not have a Daddy to come home to. I do not have a Daddy to curl up on the couch and watch hockey with. I do not have a Daddy to have a morning coffee with. I do not have a Daddy who tries to steer me clear of bad situations, who gets upset with me, who laughs at me, and who tells me he loves me.

But today I do have a strong, caring, brother. Two sweet, beautiful, sisters. The most amazing mother, and best friend. Countless family and friends who provide endless support. A God who loves me. And my own Daddy-angel. One who protects me and my heart. One who always put our family first. One who is saving us all a seat on his giant fishing boat in heaven.

So I guess there's nothing to complain about. I guess I'm pretty blessed.