#A Best Friend Is For Life

SO there's this girl. She's an awesome girl. We're besties. She thinks like me, talks like me, and acts like me. It's like hanging out with myself all day! Except way cooler because if it was just myself I would be a loser. And I wouldn't be hanging out with her. She has pulled me out of some pretty dark places, and is super supportive in all of the decisions I make. Sometimes we get hit on by stinky fat guys and they say inappropriate things. And all we have to do is look at each other to know what the other is thinking. She's pretty much the bestest ever. Her name is Shelby. She goes by Sheebs on this blog. And she was sweet enough to do a guest post for my blog today!

family

fam-il-ie

two or more people who share goals and values, have long-term commitments to one another

when i think of the word family, i probably have a very different definition than a lot of people. family to you may be the people you live with. the people you call your parents, your brothers and sisters, your relatives. the people you are blood related to. not saying i don’t consider my family to be those people, but my definition is much much broader. family is people having a commitment to each other

mariah has shared with me that she is nervous for our mission trip to belarus which we leave for in 29 sleeps (eep!!!). she is worried about flying/traveling/spending time away from her family. she doesn’t go on trips without them

well maryerye (just a heads up, i am the only one allowed to call her this), i have told you this many times, but here is another reminder- you are not traveling without family, because we are family. family by definition is two or more people who share goals and values and who are committed to each other. we are two or more people – sometimes i think the entire staff at our wing place is included in our family too. we share a brain- therefore we share goals and values. we both want to travel, we want to experience the world. we want to further ourselves spiritually and relationshiply. we want husbands with accents who become best friends and then it will be a best friend-marriage square. but not in the weird polygamy way, just in the fun best friend way.  we share a common goal of eventually being roomies, and of getting a dog and naming it something ridiculous. we genuinely want to see each other succeed and grow.  we share values and also, we care and love each other like crazy. we are committed to this friendship. since we have known each other we have been through hell and back… 54 times. if that isn’t family i really don’t know what is. so don’t worry rye- you are travelling with family. we are sisters for life

God has changed my definition of family. blood really doesn’t mean much, family are the people who you need in your life and who you care about most. He has brought so many people into my world over the last year who i wouldn’t even consider not calling them family. a girl who became my instant best friend/sister. a woman who has taken me in as one of her own and i know she loves me, and i love her muchly. a group of friends who are insanely genuine and loving. a dad who gives me 80 hugs a day and tells me he cares for me a lot. a church that is strong and thriving. blood is not the center of true family. i really truly believe that He is the center. God is the maker of family. we all fall under the Jesus-umbrella-of-family.

i like living under the Jesus-umbrella

if you want to read more of my randomness check me out at fansiepants.blogspot.com (yep i totally just plugged my blog). thanks maryerye for letting me guest post, it has been wonderful and charming.

#Past a Point

At what point does it become unacceptable to have friends of the opposite gender?

I'm sitting here listening to people complain nonstop about how "my boyfriend is mad I'm going out for coffee with another guy." and "my girlfriend gets super jealous every time I talk to another woman" 

Or what about "my best guy friend has a girlfriend who hates me. But he chooses me over her" or "my best girlfriend is a babe, I would totally hit that."

On one hand, I think we're in our twenties, let's live it up, be friends with who you want, go out with who you want, see who you want, talk to who you want. I'm friends with lots of guys, and every guy I know is friends with lots of girls. At the same time, if you're dating someone you have made a commitment to respect them, and their feelings. You can't just go traipsing about with people you are well aware like you. Or without your significant other knowing about it.

On the other if I were married and my husband wanted to go out for "coffee" with another woman. By themselves. I would consider that wildly inappropriate. Especially if the woman didn't have a significant other. Scratch that. Almost any situation I would consider that inappropriate. Now if she wanted to get coffee with both of us that would be a different story. Are you picking up what I'm putting down?

With infidelity rates running high, and divorce rates even higher am I crazy to think that some things are just sacred? That you should be the one person of the opposite sex that your hubby tells everything to? I don't think it's wrong to be friends with people of the opposite sex, but I do think it's wrong keeping it a separate relationship from your partner. When you're married don't all your friends collaborate into one big group of people you both love? 

What about people of the opposite sex who are at different places in their lives just grabbing a beer together? Like what if you were to tell your wife that you were going out with a coworker, who just happened to be the hot new girl in your office? It's weird to me! This is how the conversation would go:

"I'm 37, I have a wife and childrem, I work a 9-5 job. I go home every night to a meal on my table and kids thrusting pictures they finger painted at me. I go on family vacations to our cabin on the lake and Disneyland. Sunday mornings we have breakfast together, and then go to church."

"Wow! I'm 21, I got no education after high school. I was hired at your company to be a receptionist solely because I wear lots of makeup and had a boob job when I was 18. I go out and party all weekend every weekend. I don't remember the last time I talked to my family."

"We have so much in common!"

"I know right?!"

It makes no sense. So. Inappropriate.

Am I alone here? Am I the only one who thinks having friends of the opposite sex when you're married is a little bit strange? Like not people who are friends with you AND your partner, I'm talking about someone you would go out with alone. Without your beau. Because that's the "kind of friendship you have" because you "have a special bond" or because "they're my friend not our friend" 

I think it's wrong. When you're married you share everything. Period.

#There's so many fine women

This morning I woke up.

Stretched.

Showered.

Shaved.

Brushed hair and teeth.

Put my party pants on.

Tomorrow night is the birthday of one of the sweetest, cutest, most loving girls I know. Which = party time. I'm so excited to go dancing with my ladies that I put my party pants on well in advance.

Pants are not cool. Unless they are party pants. Then they are supa cool.

So let's go husband hunting. With our party pants on.

A little bit of Jamaican culture for you...

Originally this was going to be a post about one particular event that I found to be really funny.. and then I decided it might not be as hilarious to everyone else. So instead of just telling you about a Jamaican concert experience, I figured I would just tell you about random things I have noticed in the last few weeks.

Chicken- everybody eats it, all the time. Stewed, baked, fried, curried, jerked- I have eaten chicken everyday so far except maybe 2.

Rice and Peas- they are not really peas, it is a lie! They are beans, like kidney beans I think. Everybody also eats this. I found one Jamaican who picks out the peas like I sometimes (most of the time) do. It was a bonding moment.

Oranges- you peel them with a knife. Mangos- you peel them with your teeth.

Whitie- every white person in Jamaica.

Hey Whitie, come here! - What I hear at least 10 times per day

Jamaican concert- at least 10-15 artists who all play like 6 songs each... but only 30 seconds to 1 minute of each song. Usually you hear "NEXT TRACK!" in between songs.

Jamaican boyfriend*- A large percent of all the boys that you meet want to be yours- regardless of if you are dating or married back at home.

Jamaican men in general- always want you to "come here", and they are usually across the street, sitting on some bench, or on the odd occasion in the 2nd story of some shady looking building (and it is dark outside). The upside to this is they hardly ever get up and try to follow you, so all you have to do is wave, say "hi, no I'm good" and keep walking.

Sugar - in everything. Even when you think it is just fruit juice.. there is added sugar.

Diabetes - called "sugars" Seizures - called "fits"

"Soon come" - common phrase meaning I'll be back, but you never know if they will be 5 minutes, or 5 hours.

Sweetie- Not only a cute name to affectionally call someone, but also the name for candy. For example, last week I was given a mint sweetie.

*I have a Jamaican boyfriend. His name is Tennyson, and he is 4 months old.

#A Day In The Life

This is mostly what my weekend consisted of:

work
friends
skype dates
more friends
2 bbq'd meals
shopping
movies with mama
being hit in the face
being compared to mustard
becoming an asian sidekick (sensation?)
playing "get to know Shelby"
watching the weirdest movie ever invented...then being scared to walk to my car alone
quelf
planning some adventures
catching up on hellcats and how I met your mother
being called "babe" by Rosi
prepping for Belarus
dancing around my house
teaching 7 year old boys about Jesus
attempting to bring my poor dead bamboo back to life
cleaning my car

yep. that's pretty much my life. and I wouldn't want it any other way.

#Music to my ears

So I have a thing.

Just a little thing.

It's one of those things that can't be helped. 

Would you like to know what that thing is?

Musicians.

Guitar players especially.

That's my thing.

For some reason almost every guy I've ever liked has been a musician. And sometimes I don't even know that until after I start liking them. What is it about them??

I don't know. There's something completely captivating about knowing that a guy plays music. Even better when he writes his own. Because there's a very good chance that one day you'll be his inspiration. That you will be the only one in the audience, enthralled by the beauty of the sound coming from his  instrument, and that he's doing it for you. Only you. Because you're the only one there. 

Music brings people together. It's the universal language. Everyone understands it. 

Maybe I grew up on too many Disney movies where you need song to express the love you have for someone else. Maybe I live in a fantasy world thinking that there is someone out there who wants to play for me. OR maybe the guy God made for me is an extremely talented musician who will swoop in, take my heart, and love me through sweet melodies. 

sigh. My dreams will all come true the day I marry the man with the guitar.

The best day ever?

I'm sure you are thinking whooa wait a minute.. this isn't Rye.. this is some strange white girl. Rye invited me to do some "guest blogs" while I am in Jamaaaica. Ok, so on with the actual blog..

I am working at a health clinic in Mandeville Jamaica, and this week I was given the opportunity to work in the family planning clinic for a day. I entered the family planning area and was greeted by a very sweet nurse, who called me "Christine" the entire day. She had only met me for a few minutes before letting me get right to work. She showed me how the family planning appointment was supposed to go, including where to chart, had a lady come sit down, and then said "ok give it a try!".

If family planning is an unfamiliar term for you, it just means birth control essentially. I took blood pressures and recorded how they were doing with their current "method". More times than not they were on a depot shot of pentogen (injectable birth control), so I got to practice a lot of IM injections throughout the day. My nurse got some other work done around her office while guiding me occasionally through the first few patients, then she set up and we both took patients. I felt really helpful and excited to be trusted with all the charting and everything. For me, it was like the best day ever!

For someone else though, it was possibly one of the worst ever. A young lady sat down beside me to get her blood pressure done, turns out she didn't have an appointment though, she came to ask a question. She said to me "excuse me? can you tell me what this means?" and then she showed me a text message "my boyfriend sent this to me". It was a blood test result for herpes, and it said POS. I had to explain to her that this meant her boyfriend was positive for herpes, an STI. She looked at me like she wasn't quite sure how bad of news this was. "Will it go away?" I had to tell her herpes was not curable, you could just manage the symptoms. "Do I have it too?" I had to explain to her that most likely she had it as well. My nurse pointed out that she could have had it and not known, and given it to her boyfriend. "But I was tested for HIV when I was pregnant and I didn't have it!" We had to tell her that there are many different STI's and they don't test all of them when you are pregnant. We told her she needed to get tested and see the contact investigator to get treatment. I gave her some condoms and reminded her why they are used, to avoid pregnancy, and prevent spread of infection.

A lab tech I worked with yesterday did not want to give a boy who looked around 16 any condoms because he was "so young, and should be focusing on school." The problem I am having is you give them "protection", you are saying go ahead, this is okay. You make birth control/condoms unavailable, you don't provide information, you end up with pregnant teenagers and girls like I met today who come in wondering what positive for herpes means. I think that there needs to be some sort of middle ground, where we can teach young people about birth control, about STI's, about the dangers of unprotected sex, about how to stay safe, but at the same time, not ENCOURAGE them to have sex. Is this possible?

#Top Ten

Adventures to go on before I die.

#1 - Climb Kilimanjaro

#2 - Scuba dive in the Galapagos Islands (this is a new one. but I'm loving it.)

#3 - Nursing outreach in a third world country

#4 - Safari through Africa (this can be done in the same trip as #1!!!)

#5 - Stay in a tree house in Belize

#6 - Sail across the Mediterranean

#7 - Go fishing in Cuba *this one's for you Daddy

#8 - Backpack through New Zealand

#9 - Traipse through the jungle in Costa Rica

#10 - Swim in the YS falls in Jamaica

There's so much more I want to do. But these are my top ten. Pick an adventure, people, I could always use a buddy :D

#It Goes A Long Way

Remember a long time ago I said that there's a list of things I don't like, but it's not very long??

Well you get to know one other thing on my list of things! Lucky you!

Girls who don't feel worth it.

I would be so hypocritical if I sat here and preached about every person is fantastic and beautiful in their own way we should all feel special 100% of the time blah blah blah....

I've been there. Some days I'm still there. Most days have at least a moment or two or three or sixty seven.

It's not your fault. It's hard to feel worth it. It's hard to look around you at the people surrounding you and not compare yourself to them. It's hard to look in the mirror and tell yourself you are beautiful. You are smart. You are funny. You have so much to offer someone. 

But you have to look beyond having so much to offer someone else to see you have so much to offer yourself. You have the ability, and the resources to build your own life, your own image, your own legacy. You are a person. You are not an extension of someone else. 

We live in a society where it's frowned upon to tell people how great you are. But the fact is: YOU ARE! You are amazing. You are so unique and special. You aren't perfect, but nobody is. You do not need a boy to tell you you're pretty. You do not need someone else to complete you. 

To every girl who reads this, you are so worth it. SO worth it. Don't settle for anything less than what you deserve. Be your own woman. Be smart and funny and compassionate and beautiful. Because you are. 

So smile. Because you're worth it.  

#Yard Work

When I was little and it was finally spring time I used to run around outside and pick my momma the biggest bouquet of dandelions I could fit in my pudgy little hands.

And as I grew older I realized how annoying that must have been to her.

But then today something magical happened. I was given my very own bouquet of dandelions. It wasn't from my own child, it was from someone else's. But it melted my heart all the same.

Now I'm super excited to have my own kids if not only for the big toothy grin, the muddy knees, and the absolute pride in their voice when they hand me my own bouquet.

I'll be the mom that puts water into a glass and keeps those darned things alive as long as I can. And every day my bouquet will grow bigger from all the other dandelions found. And when my bouquet is ready, I'll take my baby outside for us to blow all the seeds away and make a wish.

Sometimes it's the simple pleasures in life that can change your whole day!

#Daddy's Poem

“There’s no such thing as impossible.”

The last lesson that you taught.

“Fight for what you love and want.”

Engrossed your every thought.

The things you did we’ll never forget,

The times you made us laugh.

We promise to pull together,

And be strong on your behalf.

Smiles always crossed your face,

Laughter kissed your lips.            

Your heart was full of passion and joy,

Love bleeding through your fingertips.

Watch down on us from Heaven,

Let God grace us with some peace.

We’ll feel you in the sun and rain,

The wind rushing through the trees.

So find the boat, the lake, the beach,

The one big enough for us all.

And wait there for us to come to you,

Where no sadness we’ll recall.

You changed every person you came to meet,

Made them a better man.

But for now it’s time to say goodbye,

Until we meet again.

-Love always Daddy,

Riah xoxo

#Memoirs

I don't know how to go about this, but I feel like of everything in the history of anything happening this should be documented. At least on a website solely based on the documentation of my life.

I wish you could see. I wish you could see the impact you've had on people. The warmth you brought to peoples lives. The joy you blessed to peoples hearts. The pain, the sense of loss, the emptiness, it's being felt in so many people right now.

Daddy, you were one of the strongest, bravest, most inspiring people I know. You fought, and you fought hard, right up until your last breath. There was nothing you could have done differently. My heart yearns to hear your voice again, to feel your warmth again, to laugh, and cry, and be with you again. It breaks my heart to think of the birthdays, the grads, the weddings, the babies, you won't get the chance to witness. So watch from Heaven, celebrate with us, cheer for us, be with us.

Your suffering is gone now Daddy, and I am happy for that. But why was it that you had to suffer in the first place? Why couldn't you just be alright? Why did this have to happen to you? I don't know. I don't honestly think I'll ever know. But you taught a lot of people a lot of things. You braved the battle and fought with your whole heart.

Daddy, I am so thankful for you. You shaped me into the woman I am. You raised me, you loved me from the start. It was never a question, you just did. I am so thankful you fought as hard as you did and we had you for every day you were with us.

I admire everything about you. I still can't believe I won't ever hear your voice. Teasing, laughing, teaching. No more fingers in the mashed potatoes and an exuberant "WHAT'S THAT!" Your voices, your faces, your drive to make anyone and everyone laugh, even if it was at your expense.

You fought hard and you deserve to rest now. I love you. I miss you.

Rest in Peace Daddy.

-Riah <3

#Breaking Hearts

You think you know. 


You selfishly think because something is going on in your life, because your life has come to a stop, that everything should revolve around you and your problems. Even for just a second. 


You see a friend post a facebook status, and then another one, calling her life a nightmare. And you bitterly comment on it. 


Your friend sends you a message with some of the most devastating news you have ever heard.


The pit falls out of the bottom of your stomach. The whole world  isn't on pause just because yours is. There is still stuff going on. People being hurt. People living, people dying, people grieving. You would give anything to help your friend. Anything.

M, I am so sorry that you are going through what you are going through. I love you so much. SO much. My heart is breaking for you. I know better than anyone that everyone is telling you to call if you need anything or let me know if you want to talk; and I'm not saying they don't mean it but I mean it from the bottom of my heart. And I know you don't want to bother people, and I know you don't really feel like talking because you don't know what to say. And I know you, and I don't think you would be comfortable crying in front of me. But know that I'm crying FOR you. My chest is tight, my heart is racing, my palms are sweating, my eyes are leaking, FOR you. Because you are amazing and I love you. So much more than you will ever know. Don't give up. Don't lose hope. I don't know if everything is going to be okay, I won't tell you it's going to be okay. But I know you are so strong, so brave, so amazingly resilient, that in the end YOU will be okay. 

I believe it. 

#To My Mommy

It's mother's day today.

And I didn't get my mom anything.

What do you give to a woman who just lost everything?

So I'll give her this:

Mommy,

You loved me since before the day I was born. You carried me, birthed me, held me, raised me, adored me, pushed me, yelled at me, comforted me, advised me, listened to me, kissed me, loved me. You're my best friend. You deserve the entire world. And it breaks my heart to see your heart break. You gave up everything for me. And I would give up anything to make you happy again.

Mommy, if there's anything I can give you right now it's the promise of my comfort. I will talk with you, laugh with you, cry with you, hold you, be with you. I won't leave you. We are going to make it, I know it. You are so strong, you are so brave, you and Daddy were a match made in heaven.

Thank you. Thank you for raising me, thank you for not giving me up, thank you for finding someone who loved us both, thank you for saving me from a childhood of unhappiness, thank you for always listening to me, thank you for not giving up on me, thank you for pushing me to be better, thank you for being there for me, thank you for shaping me into the person that I am today, thank you for loving me, thank you for being the wonderful mommy that you are.

I know I screw up, I know I'm going to screw up, but I'll always be here. Just like you are for me. Because above all else, Mommy, I love you. 

#Team Tight

I love you Daddy. I just do. I wish I could take this away from you.

Fight for what you want.
Push yourself to the limit.
Take advantage of every opportunity God gives you.
Work hard. Love harder.

Don't ever EVER give up.

I won't ever forget it Daddy. You taught by example. I have no excuses. I love you more than words.

#What I Remember

It broke my heart to leave you tonight.

And I cried the whole way home.

And I looked back on the last 15 years of my life, and do you know what I remembered?

I remembered the first time I met you. I was super nervous and the first thing I said was "hibye" and you said "do I have to leave already?" then I laughed and you laughed and you called me "smarty pants" and I thought that was even sillier. Because smarties dont wear pants. they're chocolate.

I remembered walking through fish creek. You teaching me how to put out my finger and be still enough for a bird to land on it. Then one did and I didnt like it so I screamed and it flew away. And you kept your bird on your finger, in a peaceful moment.

I remembered driving home from banff. And you were doing a chipmunk voice and I was laughing soooo hard. And you were laughing at me laughing. And every time you did it you said "this is the last time..." and I said "okay.." and you did it and I would laugh and I would yell "again!" and you would say "okay, but this is the last time..." 

I remembered midlawn close. Telling you a joke and walking backwards. Tripping over the fan. And you immediately stopped what you were doing to make sure I was okay. But I was too busy laughing to notice. Then you laughed. And we laughed together.

I remembered standing behind you while you worked on autocad on the computer and telling you about my day. Blabbering on like little girls do. And you showing me what you were doing and I wasn't really listening because that was grownup stuff and it was boring. But at least I pretended to be interested!

I remembered learning to drive standard. You taking me down to fish creek and making me come to a full stop. And when I would stall there would be no annoyance or anger in your voice. Just a calm "That's okay baby, just start it up and try again"

I remembered coming home. And walking up to the door and hearing you yell "RIAH! RIAH! RIAH!!!! RIAH'S HOME!!!!!!!" and me rolling my eyes. "Oh, dad"

I remembered the I love you's the Baby, I'm so proud of you's the That's my girl's. The hugs, the kisses, the cuddles. Calling you when I was hurt at school. Cheering me on no matter what I was doing. Joking that we were going to dance to metallica at my wedding and making mom mad. Calling me out on things I shouldn't have been doing. You assuring me that you would never leave.

I remembered that if I want something I have to fight for it with everything I have. And I promise when I remember you it will be like this. Not you in a hospital bed, but you being my dad and giving me a real chance at life.

I love you so much. It was the little things that made you a dad. MY dad. I know you can't read this but I need to say it. No matter where I am, no matter what I'm doing, no matter what thought is crossing my mind it's because of you. Because of your influence on my life. Because you made me who I am. And I am so proud to call myself your girl.

I've been really good up until this point. My blog is open for anyone to read. I KNOW there are underage readers, and people with beliefs that are going to reprimand me later for this. But this is my blog and sometimes you just have to do it.

I fucking hate cancer.

#I Dreamed A Dream

I dream of a world...

without hate. anger. spite.

without illness. no need for healthcare. i would be unemployed.

without sorrow. no tears. zero hurting.

without CANCER. this should fall under illness. but it doesnt. not to me. 

without televisions. phones. computers. 

without gossip. slander. shame.

without victims. without predators.

without loneliness. 

without money. no money. zero. it is illegal in fact. 

without judgement. ranks. seniority. 

A world where...

love conqueres everything. always.

nobody cares what you are wearing. who you are talking to. 

there are people. just people. everywhere. all the time. 

dreams come true. not in a disney princess way. in a real life this is happening kind of way.

nobody has enemies, only friends.

people don't fight. bicker. intrude.

LOVE is the currency. TRUST is a given. FAITH is abundant. PATIENCE is assumed. HOPE is known. 

In this world...

people would love everyone. no matter what.

there would be no such thing as fear. 

hair.makeup.clothes. dont matter.

everything is done in His name.

But for me, this world means...

my daddy would be healthy. 

my family would be a functioning whole unit.

my life wouldnt be crumbling around me. 

This world exists. It sounds absurd, but it does. It's a real place. I'll be there one day, and I hope to see you there too.

Because I love you. And you would love this world.