#All of Creation

sing with me now; lift up your voice and lay your burden down.

whoever you are, wherever you stand, whatever is happening. pain, happiness, hurt, joy, love, heartbreak. surrender yourself because

God knows, God loves, God saves.

#Fat Best Friends

I have a best friend. We'll call her FBF.

I have known this woman pretty much my whole life, we have gone through so much together, nothing could ever pull us apart. 

When she's happy, I'm happy. When she's hurting, I'm hurting. Not just for her, but with her.

Through the years we have grown together, we went from beanie babies to boys, from "the park" to parties, from slushies to ..... slushies with alcohol in them. We put garbage in mailboxes, run from bears, eat peanut butter and pickle sandwiches, and puke on cowboys together.

So, FBF, when I say you deserve the best I mean it from the bottom of my heart. I have known you for too long not to see how sweet, and caring, and funny, and absolutely beautiful you are. You deserve the guy who will hold the door open for you not slam it in your face, who will make you laugh not cry, who will wipe away your tears not cause them, and who will love you for everything you are not put you down for being you. You deserve more than everything, because you matter. 

You are one of the most amazing girls I know, you have pulled through for me when I didn't think I had anyone else. You make me laugh, you make me happy, you make my heart so full of friendship and love.

Don't ever change, I will always be here for you, and you will have your happily ever after with the most amazing and perfect prince charming.  Don't give up hope pretty girl, he's out there, and he's waiting for you.

#Love is a many splendored thing

I'm too brain-farty to make a real post so you get a list of a few of the things I love:

-birdhouses
-My family
-JESUS!
-Butt warmers (heated seats)
-Nursing (and everything that comes with it)
-Rooibos tea
-Macaroni and Cheese
-Panda Bears
-Lunch breaks with my Daddy :)
-Dancing in my room
-Talking to my mom about mindless stuff until 4 in the morning
-Not shaving my legs
-creeping Facebook (in the "I just violated your internet privacy" type of way)
-Ice cream - duh
-Skype!
-The smell of fabric softener (no joke, I sniff it before I do laundry)
-Short grocery store line-ups
-Disney Movies

#Always Yours

So today I was at school, just hanging out with some of the lovely people I am privileged to call friends. And the conversation veered towards money. This is what I had to say about that

"I don't believe in money" 

And the response I got was interesting

"Money is like gravity, it doesn't matter if you don't believe in it, it's still there"

Okay. So I'm not going to sit here and tell you science isn't real and gravity is fictional. Because then I would look like an idiot even more of an idiot than I already portray myself as.

But this statement is true. Just because you don't believe in something doesn't automatically make it a false reality.

The way I feel about gravity is the same way I feel about God. The same way I feel about my bed when I leave for school. The same way I feel about the love from my mother. The same way I feel about my world when I close my eyes.

I can't see Him, but there is no doubt in my mind that He is there.

#99 sleeps

Remember that song? 99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer! You take one down pass it around, now there's 98 bottles of beer on the wall?

Well good folk, in 99 more sleeps I will be getting ready to board a plane that is going to take me a million trillion miles away from here, where I am going to settle for 2 weeks and teach young adults how to speak English. That's pretty cool, if you ask me, which you should, because my opinion is one of the only ones you'll get on this blog. 

That is less than 100 sleeps away!! I know! Can you believe it?!?! 99 is less than 100!!!!!

So anyways, in order to be taken a million trillion miles away you have to sit on an airplane and get a pressure ulcer on your coccyx (to all of you not in nursing - that is a really sore butt) because you are going to be sitting on that airplane for a 

BAJILLION

hours. It takes one bajillion hours to get a million trillion miles away. That's a fact, look it up.

So for one bajillion hours people I don't know are going to have to deal with me and my obnoxious voice, and my obnoxious whining, and my obnoxious need to pee every 5 minutes as soon as I get onto an airplane. And let me tell you, this plane ride is FREAKING ME OUT! Because we are flying over oceans and stuff. But I bet you one hundred million trillion bajillion - plus one - dollars that I will have the time of my life. Because its one bajillion hours I get to spend with my sweetest Sheebs.

In less than 2 months Sheebs has gone from stranger to bestie. I seriously look up to this woman so much, and I have no idea how I have gone my whole life without her! She's so right in her relationship with God, and she always seems to know exactly what to say. She has become the person I text every day, I hang out with 3 times a week, I confide my problems in, and I ask for prayer from. I'm pretty sure she accepts me for who I am, which is wicked, because I'm pretty sure I've let my guard down enough that she's seen all of my insecurities and stuff. Think of the best person you know. No, not that one, the other one. Yeah, you know the one. Well Sheebs is 3 times cooler, and prettier, and funnier, and sweeter than that person. No joke. For 100% realzies. And I think this woman needs to know exactly how important she is to me. So for one bajillion hours on an airplane I am going to smother her with my friendshiplove, and she is going to like it. 

Tell me friends, how sick of the word bajillion are you right now?

I don't care. Because I will love this woman who has taken over my heart for one bajillion years. Plus one day. And we are going to sit on an airplane together in 99 sleeps and bond even more. Because this lady is probably going to have to hold my hand and pray with me the whole entire time we are flying. Then we are going to go teach English together, and fall even more in friendshiplove.

99 sleeps people. Are we excited yet??

#Dear Nursies

I won't lie to you and tell you I'm not afraid of anything. Excuse me, it's me. I'm scared of practically everything. But one thing I've learned to embrace rather than fear is change. Life is an endless bounty of changes, twists and turns you didn't know were going to happen, and when you live in the past, and wish for what you had you miss out on everything happening right now.

However, the one thing I'm scared to death of is the end of school. At the end of April I will be done half of my degree, and the ladies I have the privilege to spend every day with will be halfway done as well.
So in 2 years time, where will we be?

I'm not going to lie. I don't think I'll talk to a lot of these people after I graduate. But there are 3 people who have invaded my soul in such a way that I can't imagine my life without them. So let me introduce to you the ladies who light up my world.

First we have O. O is my Christian sister, she's the one I can turn to when I need a prayer or a reminder of faith. She's the one that I can count on to listen to me cry, no matter the time of day, the one who will call just to see how life is going. And she's definitely the one you sit beside in class because she always has the answer so you never have to say anything. She is one of a kind, beautiful, smart, cute, and funny.  She is so sweet and humble, and if you hurt her I'll hurt you. She doesn't judge you, even if you did the worst thing possible, and she is always understanding of your situations and stories. She took me by the hand and lead me to become a much better person, and a much more faithful Christian.

Next we have K. Now listen here people, K is someone you would be lucky to have as a friend. She's always smiley and bubbly, adorably naive, hilariously upfront and sweetly sincere. She is the one who brightens a room with her smile (even when she smiles so big she strains her neck muscles), and who refuses to look at anything in a negative way (unless it involves working out or a gym). She stands up for what she believes in, and you can bet she'd stand up for you if you ever needed it. She has an admirable strength when it comes to commitment, and always has faith things will work out. Her giggley laugh is completely infectious, and you can't help but smile when she does. She is absolutely beautiful, inside and out.

And finally we have M. M is my soul sister, my warrior princess. She is hilariously snarky, and is always making me laugh. She puts up a tough front, but when you get past it she is a softymeltysweetheart. Not to everyone, ohhh hell no, not to everyone. But to the people she cares about she is the most loyal and honest person you will come across. Her sarcastic comments in class keep it entertaining, especially when the prof accidentally over hears it. She embodies friendship, from the biggest hugs, to the sweetest words, the inside jokes, to the shoulder to cry on. Her words are always sweet, and talking to her is like a giant boost to your self esteem. She is so generous, and always puts herself out there to help out whenever she can. There is nobody like her, with her fiery temper, and her genuine soul. She has a heart of gold that will never be forgotten.

These three ladies are my #1. They tied. No joke. They are the reason I get up every day and suffer through 3 hour lectures about nothing. They keep me motivated and grounded. I can promise you I would not be the person I am today without them. And I sure as hell would not have made it through the last year without their support, and guidance, and prayers. They have been and endless supply of love, kindness, laughter, and support. They are probably some of the most awesome people you'll ever meet. Until the day I die I will count myself lucky to have these girls as my friends. I'm scared that in 2 years time, when some of us marry and move to Connecticut, and some of us marry and have babies, and some of us continue to travel the world and see everything there is to see, we will lose touch.

So to you three, thank you. You mean the world and more to me. I am so grateful for everything you've done for me, and I promise you I will do my very best to reciprocate. I'm always here for you guys, no matter where you are, or how long it's been since we've last spoken. You will be my #1 no matter what <3

PS I cried the whole time I wrote this. I'm literally crazily in love with our friendships.

#De-friended

So, last Friday there was a devastating earthquake and tsunami in Japan, that left thousands dead, and millions mourning. People from all over the world have pulled together to help a country in need.

However, today I deleted 14 friends from Facebook because of rude/cruel/inappropriate jokes made about this crisis. That was not a typo, and you did not read that wrong. 14 people.

In other words: 10 plus 4, or 7 times 2, or 56 divided by 4, or the square root of 196. So if you had 6 bananas and 7 oranges and 2 apples, then I ate a banana because I was hungry and needed some potassium you would be left with as many pieces of fruit as I have deleted facebook friends. 

So rude. So uncalled for. It's not a huge loss to my facebook community, I actually haven't talked to the people I deleted since at least junior high. But still, it makes me sick to my stomach that people would actually joke about something like that.

If you want to make light of millions of people suffering I am more than happy to de-friend you.

#What Is Love?

I identify as a Christian. That does not mean I look down upon other people and their beliefs, that does not mean I think I am better than anybody else.

It means I love Jesus, I love the way He works through me, and through other people. In our actions, words, and thoughts. I love the way He watches over me, the way He looks out for me. I love the way He knows what I am going to do before I do it, and even though He knows I will make mistakes, He also knows I will learn from them and grow. He gives me freedom. He gives me strength, understanding, peace, wisdom, patience. Best of all He gives me the capacity to love! He set the ultimate, loving example. Helloooo, He is Jesus, He was the one who loved the sick and the poor and the TAX COLLECTORS. He is one with my All Loving Father.

I love my God. I will never understand why He does the things He does. I will never know everything He knows. Because, duh, you have to be God to know that kind of stuff! But I do know He loved me before I was created, and He will love me after I've died. Actually, after I die, I get to go hang out with Him in heaven. He can love me for all eternity! And by can I mean will.

When it comes down to it God asks us to love. He asks everyone to treat others like you would treat yourself, and show the world God's love through your own. He asks you to give back to people, to the world. To LOVE everyone as He has loved you.  He asks you to love yourself, and treat yourself with respect as well. God only wants the best for everyone, He is The Heavenly Father, He loves everyone.

This is the foundation for most other religions. To love. Everyone knows it, everyone craves it, everyone wants to love, and to be loved.

So why then, when I identify myself as a follower of God, of Christ, do I get looked down upon? Because I'm different than you? Because we do not believe the same thing? Because your beliefs are better than mine? Most religions are based off of the same values, so how is yours "better" than mine.Or my personal favorite. Not having ANY kind of belief at all. It's become the "cool thing" in our society to become followers of nothing. Atheists, and agnostics. Having a God is like having the plague. How is your belief of NOTHING better than my belief in a Creator of everything?

MY God loves. He loves me. He works through me to love even those who have done me wrong. He gives me strength to pray for people who have fallen away from Him.

The way to happiness is:
Keep your heart free from hate, your mind from worry. Live simply, give much. Fill your life with love. Do as you would be done by.
-Buddha

#Bad News Bears

You know that feeling you get?

The one where it feels like the pit of your stomach just dropped off the face of the earth. The feeling of dread and resentment, and hurt all piled into one little ball that is sitting in the back of your throat. Your heart skips a beat, and not in the romantical, holdmyhandi'llbeyoursforever kind of way.
It's the isthisseriouslyhappeningrightnowiamabouttothrowup kind of way.

Instantly your day goes from awesome to terrible, and everything from that point seems to drag you down.

When I last felt that instant awful it wasn't because of the external factor that it would appear to be, it was because of myself. All of those emotions flooding me to the point of physically bringing me down were all directed at me. I don't like the person I used to be, and I don't want to be that person again. But I'm finding it hard to forgive myself for the things that I've done. My God forgives me, but I'm finding it excruciatingly hard to let go of what I have done and move on.

And that leaves me with this:

why is it so much harder to forgive myself than to forgive everyone around me?

#Let's Be Friends

It's funny how friendships work.

It is only possible for the human mind to hold up to 150 relationships at a time. Some are friends, some are family, some are acquaintances. Some are enemies. In my opinion, why would you waste one of your relationships on an enemy? What a downer.

Sometimes you know someone for years, and I mean years and years, and they are nothing more to you than an acquaintance. You share in the pleasantries, ask surface questions just to be polite but nothing more than that.

Sometimes you know someone for what seems like less than 5 minutes and you know you'll be besties foreva and eva. All of the sudden you can't imagine your life without them. There is no doubt in your mind that you guys were meant to be friends.

Sometimes you have really good friends and go through "friendship breakups" where there is a giant fight that you can't come back from, or out of no where you stop talking all together, and you both just kind of move on with your lives. 

Sometimes you just drift away from friendships, there is no official "breakup" but there is a gradual decline in the sharing of lives, and good times.

And sometimes you come across the true beauties, the ones who will stand by your side no matter what, who you can fight with and scream at and use it to make your friendship stronger. The ones you don't ever want to let go. They will hold your hand, give you hugs, and back you up no matter what. They will laugh with you, cry with you, defend you, stand up for you, tease you, and when push comes to shove they will be there for you.

It sure is funny how friendships work. 

#What's A Little Wine Between Friends?

I have a friend. Her name is Shelby. And this is the tale of the time we became boozers.

It started out innocently enough, we were going to Tim Horton's for a tea and some lady time. Most of the conversation went like this

Shelby: "I love Jesus"

Mariah: "I love Jesus as well"

We were continuing to enjoy each other's enchanting company when Shelby said 

"I'm thinking about going to get a bottle of wine...is that terrible?"

And I said

"Ummm no. The liquor store is right there, let's go! I have lots of papers and zero wine left."

And the conversation continued a little like this:

Mariah:"Let's go! I didn't win anything on this roll up the rim :("

Shelby:"What time is it?"

Mariah:"Booze o'clock"

I actually made the last part up. Kind of. I didn't win on my roll up the rim :(

So we walked next door to the liquor store and the conversation ACTUALLY went like this

Mariah: "Ohhh vodka's on sale!"

Shelby: "Mariah, it's Monday"

Mariah: "Ummmm I'm a boozer, incase you didn't know"

Shelby: "I like cheap champagne"

Mariah: "I'm drunk all the time, even right now"

Shelby: "I could barely tell, you only swerved a little bit when we drove here"

Mariah: "Let's just get wine"

And so off we went to the wine section,

Mariah: "Have you ever had blush wine? It's delish!"

Shelby: "Yeah, I love it."

Sales Clerk: "Don't let anybody talk you out of getting cheap bubbly!"

Shelby: "Thank you! TWIST CAP ON MY WINE?! I'm sold, I'm so classy!"

Mariah: "I want a twist cap too!"

Sales Clerk: "We have more blush wine's over here, oh none  have twist caps."

Shelby: "That is not necessary"

Mariah:"I want Barefoot."

Shelby: "Me too. Mariah don't drink and drive"

Mariah: "I was actually planning on cracking this bottle on the way home"

-insert nervous sales clerk laughter-

And so away we went, stripped of our dignity but with hands full of twist cap wines.

I love you Sheebs!

#Still Chilly

"Winter is the time for comfort, for good food and warmth, for the touch of a friendly hand and for a talk beside the fire: it is the time for home. The colour of springtime is in the flowers, the colour of winter is in the imagination." - Edith Sitwell

#Strength, Faith, Love

Three words that come to mind when I think of my parents.

The strength that they have together, the love that they have for each other and the faith that they have in God is mindblowing and breathtaking.They are such an inspiration, an enigma to be around. They emit the love and compassion and faith they have for each other and for God, and you can feel it in the room when you are with them. Amazing.

My Mom; she's the glue that holds our family together. I love this woman more than anyone in the world. She's so strong and faithful, and she will always support every decision any of us make. She's the caregiver, and nurturer, and she always expects the best from you. She's like a Mother Bear; carefully pointing us in the right direction, but not making the decisions for us. She lets us make our own mistakes, but she is always there to catch us when we fall. She is an absolutely lovely person until you hurt one of her children, then her claws come out. She is always there for a shoulder to cry on, a hug when you need it most, a hand to hold, and she'll always be the one cheering the loudest for you.

My Daddy; he's so strong and brave. In the last year I have watched him go through more than anyone else I have met, and his ability to keep smiling and laughing and staying positive is an absolute inspiration to me. In the face of adversity he showed his true colors, and dove head first into the battle. My Daddy is my hero, with every obstacle placed in his way he fights to overcome it. Not for himself, but for the people around him.The way his eyes light up when my Mom walks into a room makes your heart skip a beat. Together they are one unit, always working in unison towards the same goal.

I am very blessed to have parents who love each other so much. I thank God every day for my family, and for the relationships we all have with each other.

Heavenly Father, 
Please watch over my parents, keep them happy and healthy, give them peace and understanding. We are forever Yours. 

#Smiley Face

"You are the only thing standing in the way of your happiness"

Happy Birthday Captain, you are pretty much awesome and I love you muchly!

#Off To Never-Never Land

Lately I've been reminiscing (Like I always do) about the good old days. I'm talking the late-night-playground-hide-and-seek-finger-painting-power-ranger-TAG-you're-it-N64-coloring-outside-the-lines-cowboys-and indians-peanut-butter-sandwich-days. And I've been getting uber depressed because HELLO all I wanted was to grow up!!!! I feel like I wasted my childhood wanting to grow up...So instead of wasting my WHOLE adult life wishing I could go back I'm going to make a top 10 list of things I love about being a grown-up.

#10 - You're old enough to understand the "You'll understand when you're older" stories! I hated this. I hated it more than anything in the world. I did not want to wait until I was older to understand. What was shoved so far up your butt that you could not explain in full detail your gruesomely graphic night to a 4-year-old? MAN! This was probably my ultimate piss-off growing up.

#9 - You can DRIVE! Which is short for you have INDEPENDENCE!!!! What? Excuse me? Why would I want this independence you speak of? Let me tell  you good Sir! Would you like to go to your friend's house tonight? Well, go! Would you like to go to the store to pick yourself up some new slacks? Well, go! And here's the best part, you can take yourself!! Nobody has to watch you try on 1375 pairs of slacks to find the one that flatters your pattootie! What a glorious day!

#8 - You can be anything you want to be, right now! What did you want to be when you grew up? Well, I'm on my dandy-pants way to becoming a nurse, but do you know what I wanted to be when I was 5? A tiger. No, you did not read that wrong. I wanted to be a tiger. OBVIOUSLY I can't be a tiger, but I will be a nurse, I also could have been an astronaut, a teacher, a cowboy, a pilot, a lawyer, an accountant, an ice cream store owner, a zoo-keeper....well you get the idea. Now is the time to start DOING people! What do you want to be when you grow up? You should just do it.

#7 - You can tell hilarious stories that have more depth than farting (although, farting will always be funny)! Let's get real, how many of my conversations start with "So the funniest thing ever happened" or "You will never guess what happened" or, my personal favorite, "Have I told you about the time I threw up on a cowboy?". My life is an abundant source of hilarious stories (usually at my expense, sometime's at a cowboy's), and my friend's lives also seem to be an abundant source of hilarious stories. This is probably why we get along so well! Anyways, the point of this one is we understand more = we find more things funny. However just because I'm 15, 20, 30, or 50 years older, does not mean farts become any less funny. I'm older, not more mature.

#6 - Your parents don't get mad at you anymore(kinda)! This one is great. My parents have become my bestest best friends. They give me guidance (which I need a lot of, because let's get real, I have no idea what I'm doing), and they respect you. Because now you're old enough for respect as an equal! Yay, equality! They actually laugh at my misfortune and wrong-doings now, not scold me. Mostly they don't get mad because when I screw up, it's not their fault anymore. Didn't learn your lesson when you were 16? Sorry buddy, it's jail time for you! (That was a joke - as of today I have never been in jail)

#5 - You get to travel the world and experience life! I understand that travelling is wicked expensive and stuff, but it's so WORTH IT! To dive into another culture, to experience first hand the other side of the world, not in pictures, but in really real life. It's something everyone should do, and it's something you don't appreciate until you're older and understand and LOVE the experience of seeing things, and doing things you would never see or do anywhere else. This is a must have on a list of things to love about growing up.

#4 - You can use the oven! And the stove! And every cooking device that is not a microwave. And you are STILL allowed to use the microwave! Now you can make the most delicious meals, because you have the tools essential for good meal prep! Now all you need is a recipe book, and some ingredients, and you can make me some supper :) (if all else fails - Kraft Dinner with Hot Dogs and Ketchup, it's the never fail meal.)

#3 - You can buy things for yourself! This seems like it would not be so cool. But it totally is! I used to have to ask my mother every day for $1.06 so that I could walk to the 7-11 by my house and buy myself a slush. I used to have to ask my mom for $20 to go to a movie with my friends because I didn't have money to go myself. I used to have to ask my mom for money for everything, and I'm pretty sure the most liberating feeling to me now is when I go out, and whip out my OWN money that I earned MYSELF and buy things for ME. Because I depend on my mom for a lot of things, but money for my slush and movies? Not any more. (except it is still AWESOME when she pays ....)

#2 - You can have desert for dinner! Cookies before supper? Sure! Ice cream for breakfast? Who says you can't?? It's a dream come true! The first time I ever had ice cream for breakfast I'm pretty sure I peed a little bit I was so excited. End of story. Completely awesome. You just have to be prepared to live with the consequences....

#1 - NO BEDTIME!!!!!!* Ummmm hello! The bane of my existence growing up was my bedtime. It slowly started going up 8 oclock ---> 9 oclock ----> 10oclock....until finally IT DIDN'T MATTER! If I wanted to stay up late, I could! No questions!! What's this you say? My favorite movie is on TV at 2:30 AM? The one I have on VHS, DVD, and Blu Ray? SURE! I'd love to stay up and watch it! Work in the morning? Psshhh by the time I'm done the movie it will be time to get up to get ready anyways :)

So there you have it! I had a great childhood, and it's looking like a bright future. Growing up is completely awesome, so let's embrace the day and make it something worth looking back on!

*Now that I don't have a bedtime I find myself getting into bed at like 7:30...it's nice to have the freedom to stay up until whenever though!

#Take Three

This is the third time I've rewritten this post. I'm such a let down, I know. But every time I just feel like it isn't right.

First it seemed too rude.

Then it seemed too malicious.

And I know I'm a bitch on occasion, but I'm generally not a rude or malicious person. Annoying? Maybe. Stupid? At times. But not rude or malicious. - I'm a generally happy-lovey-silly-allaroundbananas girl.

So now I'm going to try this for realzies. The way I should have done it in the first place.

I don't want to get into specifics. The whole catastrophic event that took place was because of getting into specifics (Not that I think anyone in the situation is going to read this post). All you need to know is that people were called out on things that they didn't even do on the internet (it was another blog). Feelings were hurt, and they asked not to be spoken of in the blog again, and the blogger refused the request. 

I was mad because it hurt the feelings of someone I love. And bitch, you be trippin' if you think you're gonna mess with the people I love. Besides, who honestly thinks they can deny someone their request to not be publicly humiliated? An ignorant buttface, that's who. However, two wrongs don't make a right - and other cheesy cliches. But for real...remember when your mom used to tell you not to stoop to their level? She was right. 

So all I'm going to say is this: The power of words is incredible, you can make or break somebody's day using only the sounds formed by your tongue (or typed on a page). And at the end of the day it's up to you: 

what kind of person do you want to be?