#Muddy Tracks

Sometimes I wonder if I sabotage my love life on purpose.

Don't get me wrong, it's not like I'm old and alone [except in the context of my church. Because at my church if you are in your twenties and not married you are lame and if you are in your twenties without a steady boyfriend you are a crazy cat lady who has borderline personality disorder with psychopathic tendencies. Because that's the only reason you'd still be alone. Seriously.].

It's just that I tend to lean towards guys who don't fit my lifestyle. Because they're safe.

Boys who have no goals, or no ambition, or who drag my work ethic down, or who aren't Christian, or who tear my self esteem to shreds,  or who just want my body, or who I know for a fact won't ever do any better than me.

In the history of my dating life I've either gone for guys who treat me like crap, and try my very hardest to please them in every way; or guys who are safe. Guys that I could care for, but cared for me more. Guys who put me up on a pedestal I didn't deserve. Guys I would love, but not be in love with.

And now I'm stuck. Between what I know is right for me and what is safe.

There's a boy that I feel like is way out of my league, and I could never ever get, and a boy that I know likes me, and I like him, so I might as well just do it.

I read an article recently that said that you should date people equally as attractive as you are, but that girls should date guys whom they think are more attractive than they are and guys should date girls whom they think are less attractive than they are. [Because girls are the biggest bitches to themselves, and boys have over inflated egos. Typical.] And that if you end up in a relationship with someone of equal attractiveness, the relationship is more likely to work out [Because apparently beautiful people are only capable of loving other beautiful people. And themselves.]

It makes sense. Sometimes I look at my friends and I'm like "How did he score her, seriously?" or "Ew. She can do so much better." Rarely is it ever the other way around. [Because boys think they are some kind of sexy, and girls think they are fat. Or something.] And I know that I think that way about myself.

I literally crawled into my mom's bed yesterday and this is what I said:

"I just can't believe a guy like that would ask me out."

And she said:

"Why? I can."

Typical mom, right? Typical "You're beautiful, you're wonderful, you have so much to offer, you're my offspring so obviously you're perfectly perfect and nobody is really good enough for you because you're pretty much the best thing that's ever happened to mankind." type of deal. 

But what if this guy and I are equal on all [or most] playing fields and I'm just scared of being rejected?

Maybe I'll just get liposuction and a boob job and then I can get ANYONE!

Moral of the story - Boob jobs score you hotter guys.