#Build me up, Buttercup

As of Saturday I have been blogging for one year.

A whole year!

With some of the most depressing stuff you'll ever read.

Because I'm super depressing.

Hm. Oh well! Moving on..

I bet you think I've been super busy with my super busy life for the last 3 weeks because I have blogged zero times. But I definitely was not. I was definitely laying in bed eating ice cream and grilled cheese's getting fatter than holy hell. I just had nothing to write about!

But luckily for you guys I now have a topic to indulge you in!

Kissing.

It's weird, right?!

Who came up with kissing? Who decided one day "(S)he has a very supple looking lips. I want to take my mouth and touch it with his/hers."

And beyond that who decided to open their mouth while kissing?!

Call me 13, but french kissing is super gross. And I'm pretty sure I suck at it.

The germaphobe in me can't get over how much bacteria lives in your mouth. And you are transferring that to my mouth. Also - microscopic bits of the nachos you just ate, which, I'll be honest, I love nachos, but I don't really like them partially digested and transferred via saliva.

Not that my mouth is free of germs or nachos, but you get the point.

And how do you tell someone "Hey...it's not that you're not an awesome person or anything it's just....you suffocate me when we have oral relations [I just realized how terrible that sounds, but I firmly believe in not deleting anything after I write it. So take me as I am.]." or "My mouth is not a carrot, there is no need to get so much teeth involved." or "That was nice....can I offer you a Tic Tac?"

You don't. And when someone asks you if they're a good kisser you say "Duh-doy! Obviously you're a good kisser. Nobody kisses like you do, my friend. You are one of a kind. I absolutely do not hate it at all, in the least, even a little bit.."

There's no winning.

I'm also very aware that I have terrible kissing etiquette. I don't always close my eyes [unless I'm tired. Then I close my eyes. But then I get sleepy so I open those suckers right back up]. I don't stare, but I don't close them.

I also like to think about other things. Like "Hm. I wonder what's on sale at Wal Mart this week, I'm hoping to get a good deal on shampoo." or "What was the name of that song I really like...? Well, it's by Phil Collins, obviously. 'There's a girl that's been on my miiiiiiiind, all the tiiiiime'....OH NO! Did I just hum that out loud?" or "I would rather be looking up mental illnesses I have in the DSM."

And when I do think about kissing while I'm actually kissing it mostly goes like this "OMG! Seriously! Are we not done this yet?! You want to keep doing it?? Really? You are going to make my lips chappy. Then who's going to kiss me? You. You will. I will make you, because it's your fault that I now have chappy lips."

And what if your lips are opposite sizes? I worry about this a lot, because I have abnormally large lips. They aren't 'pouty' or 'full' they are 'giant'. I can't wear lip gloss because I look like a clown. If my lips wore jeans they would definitely be wearing plus sizes. If someone punched me in the mouth they wouldn't call the resulting swell "fat lip" they would call it "morbidly obese lip"

So chances are when I kiss people who do not also have 'giant' lips, feel like they are drowning when I kiss them. Wicked.

Anyway, now that I've written that all down I can clearly see why I do not have a boyfriend.

And I'll be honest, I'm 90-100% sure I'm a bad kisser. I suppose if I really wanted to know I could ask someone I've kissed. But they'll probably say "Duh-doy! Obviously you're a good kisser. Nobody kisses like you do, my friend. You are one of a kind. I absolutely do not hate it at all, in the least, even a little bit.."

#I love my life

You know it was a good weekend when you come out with quotes like these:

"Skinny doesn't always mean healthy. Obese never means healthy, but lucky for you, you're not either!"

"Grab the metaphorical bull by the horns, and grab the mechanical bull by the rope."

"I refuse to eat tiramisu until your mom makes me some."

"Why is that guy's light flashing?"

"Because he wants to change lanes...."

"I don't think I'm ready to drive."

"You can literally overcomplicate boiling water!"

"I only know two things for sure: 1 - Denny's is the cure to all of life's problems and 2 - never trust a girl with a nipple ring."

"The Lions winning the Grey Cup is like Ben getting herpes. We all know it's going to happen so nobody really cares when it does."

"For American Thanksgiving I'm thankful I'm not American."

"Skinny blonde bitches....the worst kind of bitches."

"I like your moustache. And when I said 'like' I really meant 'am grossed out by'."

"I'mma bust outta this hospital and wreck a ho...or take a nap. Busting out seems like a lot of work."

"I love when flexidave teaches us useful things like how to properly ride a bull."

"I love to love Dong Lover's dong."

"I just wanna cuddle your face off, then put it back on cause I love it so much!"

"Stop looking at my elbows. Pervert."

"I officially have $3.14 to last me until payday."

"Know what you should buy with it? Pi."

"Sometimes I just grab my pecks and wish they were boobs."

Dear all of my friends,

Please don't ever leave me. And thank you for making it so easy to be the happy, bubbly person I am!

Love, Rye. xo

#Color Wonder

I love to colour.

More than the average person, I suspect.

Well, the average person with an age that has 2 digits, anyway.

I just love it.

I could colour my life away.

Because colours are like music to my eyes. It never ceases to amaze me how much satisfaction I feel when I colour a picture really pretty.

Sometimes I wonder if that's how God feel's when He finishes one of His masterpieces.

Sometimes I also wonder if God threw me together and looked at me sideways then said "Well, that'll do."

Because sometimes I do that with pictures I colour.

Just kidding. About the God part.

Green is my favourite colour. When I think of green I think of life.

Pink is my second favourite colour. When I think of pink I think "Yeah, I know it's a chick colour. And I'm a chick so OBVIOUSLY I would like it. Duh. Stop judging me. Maybe you should worry about your own favourite colours rather than my second favourite colour, thank you very much."

Then blue. Like the sky, and the ocean, and bubblegum ice cream. Which is actually pretty nasty, but whatever.

Then white. Which is NOT the absence of colour. Black is the absence of colour. In my humble opinion, anyway. Which means white is the opposite of that, meaning white is EVERY COLOUR! Yep. Think about that for a second or two.

On the topic of black have you ever checked out blackle? It's like google but black! And it saves energy because it's NO COLOUR instead of EVERY COLOUR.

I also like yellow. It's sunshiny, and reminds me of my Asian self.

And red, because even though Asian's are yellow, red is "the" Asian colour.

Orange is pretty rad. I always tell people not to munch on me because I'm not a carrot. Carrots are orange. Orange = awesome.

Purple is probably one of my least favourite colours. I feel like it represents nothing.

I live in a purple room, by the way.

Anyway, I feel like I should finish writing that stupid long paper instead of this post. Or maybe I'll just go colour..hm.

*having a picture in black and white emphasizes the colour in the rest of this post I think.