I'm sitting here listening to people complain nonstop about how "my boyfriend is mad I'm going out for coffee with another guy." and "my girlfriend gets super jealous every time I talk to another woman"
Or what about "my best guy friend has a girlfriend who hates me. But he chooses me over her" or "my best girlfriend is a babe, I would totally hit that."
On one hand, I think we're in our twenties, let's live it up, be friends with who you want, go out with who you want, see who you want, talk to who you want. I'm friends with lots of guys, and every guy I know is friends with lots of girls. At the same time, if you're dating someone you have made a commitment to respect them, and their feelings. You can't just go traipsing about with people you are well aware like you. Or without your significant other knowing about it.
On the other if I were married and my husband wanted to go out for "coffee" with another woman. By themselves. I would consider that wildly inappropriate. Especially if the woman didn't have a significant other. Scratch that. Almost any situation I would consider that inappropriate. Now if she wanted to get coffee with both of us that would be a different story. Are you picking up what I'm putting down?
With infidelity rates running high, and divorce rates even higher am I crazy to think that some things are just sacred? That you should be the one person of the opposite sex that your hubby tells everything to? I don't think it's wrong to be friends with people of the opposite sex, but I do think it's wrong keeping it a separate relationship from your partner. When you're married don't all your friends collaborate into one big group of people you both love?
What about people of the opposite sex who are at different places in their lives just grabbing a beer together? Like what if you were to tell your wife that you were going out with a coworker, who just happened to be the hot new girl in your office? It's weird to me! This is how the conversation would go:
"I'm 37, I have a wife and childrem, I work a 9-5 job. I go home every night to a meal on my table and kids thrusting pictures they finger painted at me. I go on family vacations to our cabin on the lake and Disneyland. Sunday mornings we have breakfast together, and then go to church."
"Wow! I'm 21, I got no education after high school. I was hired at your company to be a receptionist solely because I wear lots of makeup and had a boob job when I was 18. I go out and party all weekend every weekend. I don't remember the last time I talked to my family."
"We have so much in common!"
"I know right?!"
It makes no sense. So. Inappropriate.
Am I alone here? Am I the only one who thinks having friends of the opposite sex when you're married is a little bit strange? Like not people who are friends with you AND your partner, I'm talking about someone you would go out with alone. Without your beau. Because that's the "kind of friendship you have" because you "have a special bond" or because "they're my friend not our friend"
I think it's wrong. When you're married you share everything. Period.
I definitely see your point. And while my view is biased because I am a 19yr old nobody who has never had a meaningful relationship beyond the absolutely phenomenal friendships I've cultivated, I'm of two minds.
ReplyDelete1. I have friends that I just don't want to mix. Ever. Because while they may be good people in their own right, hanging out with these people requires a totally different attitude than that I have with my other, better adjusted friends. It makes me uncomfortable even thinking about the 2 groups in the same room. I just see disaster and the flashing red lights of every sci-fi movie when the lair is about to self destruct.
2. On the other hand, I am that person - the girl hanging out with your boyfriend. One of the guys. I'm totally cool with that. But their girlfriends might not be. It sucks being the only taco at the sausage fest, but they made the choice not to join us in shenanigans.
When you're in a relationship,. you really need to share in order for it to be healthy. But somethings you just need, a bro night out, or poker night with your buds (plus me). A little separation is good for the soul. I suppose what I'm trying to get at is that while shring is good, too much overlap in the relationship isn't. At least, not at this point in our lives. When we're older, we'll have couple friends and do coupley things with other couples like boardgame night or wine tastings (ahahahahahah...haha...ha...AHHHHHHHHHHHHH the horror!!!!) but for right now.....more data required I think. Too soon for any snap judgements. It takes 2 to tangle after all, and your partner should have some willpower. Jeez people keep it in your pants!
M
whoops looooooong comment. sorry :/
ReplyDeleteM
Ok after pondering I realise I've done this. Been the girl who hung out with their boyfriend. I only met the chick once. But their boyfriend was one of my oldest and best friends, and I double as his psychologist/counsellor with absolutely no interest beyond our friendship. For him, not so sure, and I really do pray that my suspicions are wrong. But so far, I'm in the clear I think. Back to the point, I don't know if he ever told her we were hanging out, but I never liked doing stuff with him unless the group was there, my bros lol.
ReplyDeleteM
Not really. Your approaching the issue from the POV of the spouse who can't hear/see what is going on, which is going to always be a mixture of jealousy/suspicion that can turn innocence into the apocalypse in a second. If you have to keep an eye on your partner every time he talks to someone of the opposite sex because you can't trust him, dump him, and move on. You probably have more demanding things to use mental energy on than the potential of some she-bitch trying to sabatoge a marriage. The reason for high divorce rates isn't so much the "so-called coffee" with another female, it's simply that one of them isn't happy for w.e. reason.
ReplyDeleteRemember,
One unhappy person makes two people unhappy.
Two happy people make each other happier.
Cheers.
PLUSSSSSS -> if you are going to cheat with someone, you don't tell your spouse your going out to coffee with another girl. They would make something up like, working-late, meeting, fishing trip, shit like that.